This year has taught me:
that there is no God/religion, that relationships only destroy, love does exist (but is very rare), how to suppress all my creativity in favour of fitting in and following society, how to live on my own, how to cope with utter failure over and over, and how to lock myself away…
But I’ve learnt that a little sparkle can pull you through everything you feel, regardless of the situation, your emotions and the future. One tiny sparkle.
^ that was my situation last year. I gave up on my religion, couldn’t work a camera anymore, even though i was the school photographer, and now this year i learned that through conforming, life is slightly more enjoyable. Last year, i was all about nonconformity, but i realized that led me to being alone. So now, i conform with my friends…. i like the same boy band even though i would have rejected them in the past.
and when i’m alone, just me and my camera, i have time to think for myself - to be myself. It’s sad, to only be my true self when my best friends aren’t around, but that is just what i have to accept.
however, i have also learned how to have fun this year. I met john green and Ed sheeran within a month of each other, and i’ve begun to look at life differently. There are so many experiences i’ve yet to experience, so many once-in-a-lifetime opportunities i have yet to take. When those come around, i hope I’ve learned to go for it.
Despite all the hardship i’ve gone through in life (twin brother dying, mom having cancer, depression in the family… so many that i don’t want to write it all down), the realization that life can be joyful if i let it be has changed my whole perspective. And though i said earlier that i conformed a little with my friends, i’m grateful. They are the reason why i’ve had so much fun this year and why i started looking up again :) —- oh, it’s also awesome that a few of my friends say they watch doctor who and sherlock, cause it’s great to nerd out on my favorite shows (i’m from america, so this is a pretty big deal)
hopefully everyone has a friend like that. look for one and hold on!
there will always be struggles and hardships to go through. however, i hope through vlogs or photographs, we can record the times we felt alive and free and enlightened and content to be where we are, so that when we feel down, we have a reminder of the days when the sun is out and the sky is blue and our bodies warm up our inner core.
sorry for the essay. x










